


I've Waited Three Thousand Days (For This Single Moment)

by QueenOfNewOrleans22



Series: The Silent Cries [10]
Category: Guns N' Roses
Genre: Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Romantic Fluff, Sad and Happy, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:54:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25414993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNewOrleans22/pseuds/QueenOfNewOrleans22
Summary: Duff cannot wait any longer, and takes his chances.
Relationships: Duff McKagan/Slash
Series: The Silent Cries [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1823191
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	I've Waited Three Thousand Days (For This Single Moment)

A million things to do, a million things to say. 

Realistically, this might be the dumbest thing that Duff has ever done in his life, and that's saying a lot. Which was ridiculous, because he's done some pretty risky, dumb things in his life, what rock star hasn't?

But this feels different.

Somehow, this feels a much different than any other potentially stupid things he's done, maybe because there's so much more at risk than just his pride and, hell, maybe even his dignity. Duff isn't the only person who's life might change with this confession, nor is he the only person who matters when it comes down to what might be good and what might be bad. But for years, Duff has held this secret so close to his heart that whenever it came foward, so overwhelming and bright, it always caught him off guard. He wasn't in control of these feelings. It was a force beyond his control, and though Duff had managed to keep it under wraps for years, he knew that any longer would break him. 

Whatever might happen would happen. Duff could get rejected and it would hurt but he could manage it. Duff could get accepted and well, it would be the best thing that he could ever hope for. But no matter what might meet him at the end of this goddamn tunnel, Duff would just be happy that he could experience this love that had never faded nor lessened during all this time. 

When he awoke that morning, the daily routine was broken by the incredible nervousness and anxiety that threatened to overwhelm him with a startling ferocity. Duff showered and dressed and brushed his teeth, too worried to eat breakfast, instead watching the news and going out for a morning run to keep his mind busy. Duff had kept his silence for over eight years, and why _today,_ of all times, he was going to finally say what had been on his mind. It wasn't a special day by any means, dreary and cold, but it felt right. Overcast felt like it fit the overall mood, the fear of what was to come, but resignation that there may not be a good response to his advances. Duff knew that all signs pointed to disappointment, but he'd never hold that against Slash. If he wasn't interested, then Duff would just try to salvage whatever friendship he could. Years ago, he promised Slash that he'd never leave, and he was going to honour that promise with every bone in his body. 

Duff drove over to Slash's house, knowing that he'd find the guitarist there, but sat a few blocks away, the car idling, his hands shaking. It was becoming even more real, so close to where Slash was, and Duff was very aware of the fact that his hands are shaking. He shouldn't be this scared, but he was. Duff was fucking terrified, and his heart was racing. Facing Axl down that one, final time had nothing on the fear that was riding up like a tidal wave within him. Back then, there had been anger and rage and remembrance of everything that had happened and everything that had been done. 

Now? 

There was only a want to curl up in his bed and stay there, if only to not have to face potential disappointment. His previous bravado was gone, and so, Duff sat there, probably looking like he was a kidnapper scoping out potential victims but not caring because of the wide range of emotions going through him. A vague hope, a desperate want to believe. Fear. Love. If only Slash would say 'yes'. If only Duff could open his heart and love the only way he knew how to- wholeheartedly and lovingly. 

Sighing, Duff forced himself to move. Placing his hands back on the wheel and placing the car back into drive, he gathered what little courage he had in that moment and finished the drive, forcing himself to calm down as he did so. This was Slash he was thinking about, the chances of the letdown being anything but as kind a sit could be were high. Slash wasn't a cruel person. Blunt, yes, but maybe there could be a friendship after this, salvaged from broken possibilities. 

Parking the car, Duff wiped his hands on his jeans, took a deep breathe, and walked to the door, walking fast before he had a chance to turn around. He wasn't a cowardly person by any means, but this wasn't exactly like anything he'd ever done before. 

Before he'd ever had the chance to knock on the door, it opened, and Slash appeared, sunglasses and hat in place. Before he could question how the guitarist would know that he'd be there, Duff was pulled into a tight half-hug. "Hey, man. Great to see you, what a surprise." Slash said around his cigarette, so, so unaware of what was going to happen soon enough. Duff smiled, hoping that his anxiety didn't show up on his face. "I was just, uh, y'know, bored. Decided to drop in. You don't mind?" 

Shaking his head, Slash closed the door with his foot and locked it after a seeming moment of deliberation. "Nah. I just got off the 'phone with Stevie, been really missing some company. Iz has been really busy, too." Slash replied with a small smile. Duff raised his eyebrows curiously, "How's Steve doing nowadays?" 

Slash shrugged. "Same old. Absolutely crazy, but you gotta love him." 

Duff smiled. He missed the drummer, and vowed to himself that he'd get back in contact with Steven. "I'd like to talk to you...about this thing that's been bothering me for a long time." He didn't know how to word it, but trusted that the urgency could be conveyed through his tone. Slash frowned a little, but nodded nonetheless. "Yeah, sure. Let's go in the living room." He grabbed Duff's arm and directed him to the living room. The television was on, but Slash muted it and tossed the remote controller behind him, like it didn't matter. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" 

Sitting down on one of the chairs, Duff nodded. "Yeah. It's not that serious, not in that way." He quickly reassured. Slash didn't say anything, just curiously looked at him, head tilted, patiently awaiting to hear what was bothering his friend. Duff had always liked that about Slash, how there was no rush, no need to hurry. He liked a lot of things about Slash. "So, for awhile now, I've been having these feelings...for you, that you might not feel the same about- which is okay!" He was getting nervous again. He felt like a schoolboy confessing his crush to a much more popular classmate. "But I just want to say it, because I can't hide it anymore. We've known each other for years, and I can't pretend that I don't have these feelings because it's starting to affect me personally." Duff was pretty sure that he was doing a horrible job explaining this. "If you don't have these feelings for me, then you can say so, I just don't want to have to live with this secret anymore because the truth is that I like you more than just a friend, and...yeah." 

Duff stared straight at Slash's face, or what little he could see of it, anyways, when he finished. It felt good to not be holding the weight of the secret any longer, but it also felt terrifying to not know what was going through the head of a man who held the deciding factor for what might come next. Slash had his hands resting on his knees, leaning foward, nodding his head almost minutely. "I'm sorry. I don't want this to ruin our friendship." Duff said. The guitarist made a noise that sounded vaguely indignant. "No, no, I feel the same." Slash said, plain and short, like a fact. "I just..." Pausing, Slash brushed away his curly hair so that they could look properly at each other. 

A moment of silence passed. Outside, cars honked and dogs barked, providing background noise for this tense moment of deliberation and confessions. Duff frowned, "Are you afraid I'm going to hurt you?" 

Slash laughed, a broken, bitter noise, a cold imitation of his old one. It was startling, but Duff had heard it too many times at this point to be truly surprised. "This is so fucking stupid. I'm sorry, Duffy, look at you, this is so...goddamn...unfair." Slash grit his teeth together and looked almost ready to throw something. He was not a violent person, far from it, but there were limits. Oh, how Duff knew that all too well. "I trust you. God, I trust you with my life, but I get scared and sometimes I'll be up there on stage and somebody raises their hand and I don't expect it, or, hell, maybe I do expect it, but I'll flinch and they pity me, Duffy, for things they don't know about, and they judge, and I know you'll never hurt me...but I also thought that Axl wouldn't, and look at me now." Slash rubbed his eyes, trying to hide whatever evidence of his distress. 

Duff stayed silent. His hands ached to move, to do something, but he didn't. There was nothing he could do to end this spiraling nightmare, which had long ended but also was still going on, if only in Slash's mind. "Did you know that there were so many times, in those nights, that you were the only person that kept me going? I had outs. I had the drugs, I had the alcohol, I could've gone out the way of so many other fucked up rock stars. But I didn't because I didn't want to leave you, or Izzy, or Steven, but mostly you, because I hadn't gotten to kiss you, yet." A crooked smile. Slash stood, and crossed the distance in three quick strides. There was little hesitation when slender fingers curled around Duff's arm and pulled him close, into the kiss that he'd been imagining for years, so much better than anything his mind could ever have made up. 

The kiss was slow, languid, almost natural. It was anything and everything that Duff could have ever dreamed, and when they finally had to break apart for air, Slash was smiling and Duff could feel his heart racing, not out of anxiety, but happiness. "Are you sure you wanna be stuck with me?" Slash asked, his voice rough, eyes dark with something unspoken. Duff couldn't keep the grin off his face, almost not believing that this was it, he'd finally done it. "There's nobody else I'd rather spend eternity with." 


End file.
